The wobbly-kneed, whistler is in Mallorca

Damm that Gerard Pique. For years now I've been wanting to get a blazer as worn by Patrick McGoohan in The Prisoner and now there he is on the front cover of El Mundo Deportivo wearing one. I mean isn't he happy enough with being one of the best centre-halves in the world, tall, rich and famous and going out with that famous belly dancer?

So Barça are in Mallorca without Valdés, Alves, Puyol and Xavi? They will surely miss the runs of Wolverine, the thunder of Thor and the mind of Charles Xavier (yeah I know the Barça Xavi is slightly more mobile). Valdés as a superhero? Oh yes, the human torch, you know, the cocky one. Anyway, look at the starting line-up - Pinto, Adriano, Shakira's bloke, Abidal, Maxwell; Keita, Busquets and the Silver Surfer (Happy Feet Iniesta); Villa, Pedro and that Argentinian chap. That should be good enough, shouldn't it?

For Mallorca, look out for De Guzman and Nsue in midfield. Both very impressive in their last home game, a solid 1-0 win over Athletic Club Bilbao. They will be ably led by Mr. Mallorca himself, the Portuguese centre-half Nunes.

Big week for Barcelona as they face Valencia away on Wednesday night (2200hrs) and Zaragoza at home next Saturday (2000hrs - much better k.o. time). Dani Alves will be back from suspension and Captain Puyol is on the point of a return. Tonight Cules can expect to suffer until the first goal goes in.

Prediction - Mallorca 1-3 FCB